Do you ever feel stuck because your mind spins around multiple solutions to a problem? Yeah, you know what I’m talking about. It’s like you’re arguing with yourself!
It goes something like this:
“I’m really good at my job and I get paid really well” BUT “I’m tired of doing the same thing and I’d love to make a career change“
“I want to lose weight and I’m not going to eat sugar this month” BUT “Just for today, I’ll have dessert; this is a special occasion!” AND/OR “I’m stressed, I deserve it!”
“I want to be seen as a leader” BUT “I don’t deserve to be a leader” AND/OR “I feel small”
I think you’re getting the idea.
If you think about it, we actually argue with ourselves quite frequently. And, most of the time, this why we feel stuck or we’re not making progress in our lives.
The parts of ourselves that argue with ourselves are known as “Sub Personalities” or “Subs” as referred to in the book, “Become One” by Dr.Cherie Carter-Scott, PhD. These parts are also called, “Parts” as referred to by Jay Earley in his Internal Family Systems work.
Understanding, accepting, and managing the Sub-Personalities in your life are critical to success and forward momentum; especially when you find yourself stuck or when you’re repeating unhealthy patterns of behavior.
Following are 8 simple steps to untangle the conversations that are going on in your head and help you get un-stuck:
- Notice conflicting thought patterns
- Name the Sub-Personalities: Even consider naming them uniquely, like: “Lazy me” or “Small Me” and “Leader in Me”. Play with this! You can give your sub-personalities names that are different than yours. For Example: “Prudence, the small me” and “Bertha, the leader in me”. Get it?
- Flush out the personality of each “Sub” within you: What do they wear? How old are they? What music do they listen to? What is their deepest desire?
- Notice situations where undesired “Sub’s” show up. Does your “Small Sub” get triggered when there’s a person of authority in the room? Or with your parents?
- Understand and be compassionate with “why” each “Sub” was born in you. They are there for a reason!
- Give room for each “Sub” to have a voice so you understand their wants, needs and desires – you can even write down on a piece of paper all the thoughts that particular side of yourself or “Sub” has to say
- Make a decision about which “Sub” will show up before/during triggering situations
- Decide which “Sub” you will commit to when making a commitment to get “Un-Stuck”
If you’d like to understand and work with your “Sub’s” a little deeper, it’s helpful to work with a coach! Another powerful way to work with your “Subs”, as well as other patterns that are keeping you stuck, is to take an “Inner Negotiation Workshop.” We have an Inner Negotiation Workshop coming up on March 25th &26th in Petaluma, Ca. Reach out soon to reserve your spot!